Fear No Evil

When I tuck my daughters into bed at night, or check on them one more time, a feeling of helplessness can sometimes creep in.    

What kind of world might they face someday?  Will they suffer in any way due to radical Islam or the power of our own ever-expanding government?   Will our own country be so hostile to the faith I hope they profess it will put them at risk in some way?    

It used to seem less likely and yet...I don't know.    

The people at the Boston Marathon or at a Paris concert surely thought that what happened to them was very unlikely.  When the US Ambassador was murdered in Libya in 2012 and when Americans are beheaded for all the world to see by an organization that makes Al-Quaeda look almost quaint, I felt a sense of horror and helplessness.   When it seems all precedents of evil are set, a new terror comes along for us to grapple with.  

Global things aside, we have our own self-inflicted mess, too.   I saw a fake election bumper sticker the other day that read, "Giant Meteor 2016 - Just End It Already".   It made me laugh.   It also seemed to express a collective "ughh" that most of us are feeling on either side of the election.    A speck of unity at last!  

But I don't want to be cynical.  I'm patriotic and believe in the founding principles of this country.   After a year and a half (has it been two?) of political predictions, its impossible not to wonder - could the long-range impact of the election results really affect my children's future in a negative way?   I'm an optimist by nature, but I have to accept that its possible (Supreme Court justices come to mind).    Its also impossible to put it out of mind since we must accept one of two deeply-flawed people to be our next leader.   

Whatever my children's world looks like in 20 or 30 years,  I've decided to not worry about it.  What will my worry accomplish anyway?   I have to set my sights on a firmer foundation, whatever the outcome of anything and everything, and spiritually prepare my heart and mind.

Matthew 24:6-8:  "You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come.  Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the be ginning of birth pains."

2 Timothy 3:1-5a:  "But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,  heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power." 

So basically things going very badly won't be a surprise.   This perspective is not an invitation for us to sit around being cynical though.   There is good news, too.  

Psalm 23:4 promises, "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

2 Peter 3:13, "But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells."

John 14:27, "Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.” 

There are so many more scriptures that assure us good will overcome all evil.   This is just a little handful.   When your heart grows faint and fearful, open God's Word and find comfort, guidance, and peace.

Dude-Boys and Vitamins (Development in the Preschool Stage)

While playing wedding with her dolls, our proud-to-be-four-year-old stated that she does not want to marry a "dude-boy".   Her tone when saying "dude-boy" emphasized her distaste of the idea.   Its been amazing to see her change developmentally in so many ways from age 3 and a half to 4 and some odd months.   

I've been praying for this.  Actually, I've been praying for myself until we arrived here.   We are leaving behind the challenges of toddlerhood and moving into THE PRESCHOOL AGE.   Hallelujah.

This is my favorite stage.   Children this age understand so much, yet they still often use magical thinking (there's an example of this below).   It makes for interesting and often hilarious moments.  Erik Erikson labeled this stage the Initiative vs Guilt stage, lasting from about age 3-5.    

Socialization skills develop (e.g. cooperating, sharing, turn taking, role playing) that really expand their world.   The ability to manipulate develops, too, so we parents have to stay sharp and (hopefully) model how to get by in life without being devious.   

Imaginative play begins in earnest and you definitely want to eavesdrop on your child's conversations with herself while she's playing.   The names they come up with and songs they sing at random are worth writing down.    "I hear a dog ruffing!"  "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.   Old McFarm it is to ride..."

Kids need to develop a sense of purpose during this stage by finding a balance between taking initiative and developing the ability to feel guilt.   Getting dressed, choosing clothes, using the toilet, and expressing preferences are all part of this need to become an independent being.   If a child isn't allowed to make small decisions or is put down by others when he tries, an unhealthy sense of guilt can develop.   Not good.   Of course, well-adjusted people need the ability to feel guilty when they are wrong so this is not to say that a sense of guilt is all bad.   A five-year-old kicks the cat when he thinks no one is looking and feels no remorse?   Not good either. 

Balance.   From my little one's perspective, choosing whether she gets an orange lion-shaped vitamin or a pink monkey-shaped vitamin is one of the most important events of her day.   As a harried parent, this can be annoying ("You get what you get and don't have a fit" right?).   But it serves me well to remember what stage she's in.  

In developing a sense of purpose, children begin to understand themselves as separate from their parents.   My cousin is famous for declaring during this stage, "I'm American, my dad is Italian and my mom is Southern".    

Preschoolers are big on making plans.   Mine planned big-time weeks before her fourth birthday.   Driving along I overheard this conversation between big sister and little sister:   

Little S:  Where is Jesus?
Big S:  In heaven.
Little S:  Does Jesus do magic?
Big S:  Ummm, kinda.
Little S:  Do you think he could make me a dolly or something?

Purpose!?!  Well, forethought and planning at least and that's a start.

Here's a short video of an adorable little girl and her doctor.  The conversation highlights the doctor's understanding of child development and how she uses this knowledge to relate to the little girl.   

Kids this age hear "no" a lot so they need encouragement when they get things right.   Its ok to motivate them with simple rewards as long as its done in an organized way they can understand (e.g. getting a sticker on a chart when they pick up their toys, two stickers if they do it without whining or arguing).    

Most importantly, they love to be loved and to know that nothing can ever, ever move that mountain of love.  

Every Moment Counts

The other day my first grader stayed home from school with a cold.   She looked and sounded terrible.   She was up and about, not really sick enough to be crashed on the couch all day and well enough to be bored by 9:30.   Sick and bored, with only half her normal energy level.  I had thought I would escape the bug, but by the afternoon I knew I hadn't.      

After a movie, a craft, games, a napless toddler, someone always asking for food but never eating much, constant running of interference between sick child and napless child, and a box of Christmas stuff dragged out of the closet as a desperate attempt to keep them occupied, I was ready to call it a day.   Before dinner.      

By 8 pm,  the girls were clean, fed, and snoozing soundly.   While breathing in as much steam as possible in a hot shower, I pondered the day.   I've had much harder times as a parent, but for some reason I wanted to feel a sense of accomplishment, some kind of tangible result from a day's work.   

Wouldn't it be nice if someday, years from now, my older daughter would say, "You remember that day when we all felt like crap but you did a fantastic job anyway?  Thank you for being such a super awesome workhorse parent!   I will treasure the example you set for me forever."  Realistically, she probably won't remember this day because nothing of any significance happened, at least not in an earthly sense.   

Then suddenly I was hit with a thought:  every moment counts.   Every.  Moment.   "God?  Is that you?   So if every moment counts in your eyes then I have to be a perfect parent and we both know that's not gonna happen."  

If God was sending a little encouragement my way, and I believe he was, then the basic message is not perfectionism but this:  Love is never in vain.   Every loving thing we do for our children counts, no matter how seemingly mundane.  No one else may see, but God sees and this love is impressed on their young hearts.    

A long while back I had an insight about love.   If the ultimate example of selfless love is Jesus dying for mankind, then warm fuzzy feelings have little to do with it.    He did not feel warm fuzzies when he died.   

Its easy to love my adorable girls with warm fuzzy feelings but there are times when parenting does not feel like this at all (some vomit memories come to mind).   In such times, we can look to Jesus' sacrificial attitude as the foundation of how we love our children.  Not out of drudgery, but from a  heart full of grace.  


  

Parakaleo Hugs

We have a very happy little girl.  Most of the time.  It seems there are two conditions that turn our joyful child into a miserable one:  hunger and tiredness.    The combo of these is especially powerful.    Many times I've picked up a smiling, laughing person from school only to witness an amazing transformation.   Over the slightest disappointment,  the smiling girl becomes weepy and inconsolable.   Her range in this state is anything from whining to outright sobbing.   This can happen any time but I've found that the minefields are before school, after school, dinnertime, and bedtime.   

After a few years of parenting these intense moments, I've learned both wise and unwise ways of responding.   She is pretty much beyond reasoning in that state so the reasoning strategy is out.   And if she hasn't disobeyed in any way there isn't much of a discipline option.   So what to do?   

I avoid getting swept up into an emotional state myself (esp. if I'm tired and hungry too) and keep my voice low and calm.    I tell her to take deep breaths and to try to speak without whining.   These MOs are helpful but they don't solve the problem.    

My child needs rest.  Or food.  But the best medicine is neither.    What is most helpful is simple:  a hug.   Not just any hug but a hug that demonstrates humility and unconditional love.   

Noutheteo and parakaleo are Greek words used in the Bible.  Noutheteo means to admonish, warn, or exhort.   It is generally used in the sense of trying to correct a person's wayward behavior.  Paul used it often to describe how Christians should hold one another accountable.   In 1 Cor 4:14 he says to the church,  "I do not write these things to shame you, but as my beloved children I warn you."  It is also essentially what parents do when they correct their children.   

Parakaleo can also mean to admonish but the meaning is a little different.   More than outright rebuke it means to call to one's side, to entreat and console someone who is struggling.   It is an encouraging, comforting attitude toward another.    1 Thess 1:11-12 says,  "For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging [parakaleo], comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory." 

Being able to tower over your child when you mean business is a handy advantage, but in these times we've found that the wiser approach is to get down on your knees, be eye to eye, and offer an open-armed embrace.    Our precious little girl always accepts the invitation by crashing into our arms.   This simple, humble hug has a profound impact on her little heart because it demonstrates God's unconditional love and grace for her.   

As imperfect people ourselves, it is good to remember that sometimes we, too, need this same embrace from God when we become a blubbering mess.