Social Anxiety Disorder

Sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, dry mouth...these are typical things most of us are familiar with in situations where we feel nervous about something.    But what if you feel this way all the time?  What if you are so anxious in social settings that you have panic attacks or avoid situations completely because you are terrified of being embarrassed, being criticized, or offending other people in some way?   What if these fears prevent you from accomplishing important goals and dreams?    

When social anxiety has a significant impact on your relationships or career and educational goals, then its likely you may be suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder.   Yes, its a real thing and it goes way beyond the average experience of "social butterflies".   

Below are the features of Social Anxiety Disorder (aka Social Phobia) according to the DSM-V (that giant book of officially recognized mental disorders) in short form:

A)  Experiencing intense anxiety about one or more social situations when there's a possibility of scrutiny from other people (e.g. meeting someone new, eating in front of others, asking for directions).  
B) The person is afraid of behaving in a way that could be embarrassing which he or she believes will result in being negatively evaluated (e.g. humiliated, rejected).   
C) The situation causes intense fear and anxiety.   This is not the kind of fear or anxiety about, say, giving a speech or performing in front of an audience when you normally don't have to.   This level is more on the debilitating end of fear/anxiety spectrum.
D) You endure the intense fear and anxiety "to just get through" a situation or avoid it completely.
E) These intense emotions are out of proportion to the actual perceived threat.   
F)  The fears or avoidance keep coming back and last at least 6 months.   
G)  The fears or avoidance cause "clinically significant" distress and interfere with your ability to cope well in either your job, school, or relationships.
H)  The fears or avoidance are not a result of substance abuse or medication.
I) The fears or avoidance are not a result of another mental disorder (e.g. autism, body dysmorphic disorder).
J) The fears or avoidance are not related a medical condition (e.g. obesity, disfigurement, Parkinson's disease).

The main things to keep in mind here are that these fears and avoidance behaviors are having a seriously negative impact on a person's life AND they are out of proportion to any actual threat.  In other words, if someone is being bullied or abused then fear and avoidance are to be expected.    

Also, Social Anxiety Disorder almost always begins before a person reaches adulthood.   

The good news is that you don't have to stay stuck and forever inhibited by this disorder.   Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - as well as Exposure Therapy - has proved through research to be effective in helping people deal with their social anxiety successfully and achieve things that seemed out of reach before.   

How Do We Wisely Use the Past?

There is one thing every person has in common - we cannot change our past.   Many people feel shadowed by their unhappy past and try hard to minimize it, justify it, use it as an excuse for poor choices, or repress it completely.    Others have had blessing upon blessing and are well-equipped to handle life's challenges.   

People who fall into the latter group, no matter how kind life has been, still do not escape unscathed.   Everyone has hurts and pains to some degree, right?    Disappointments, grudges, regrets, grief, failures, heartbreaks, guilt, feeling misjudged, etc.    When someone uses phrases like "raw deal", "hard luck", "tough break", "hot water", "Catch-22" and so forth we can relate since we have "been there" emotionally and psychologically.    

So are the injuries of the past an enemy that keeps us enslaved or can we regain lost ground and come out - not necessarily completely uninjured - but more resilient, more perceptive, and a lot wiser?  

Timothy Keller offers the following prayer, "Lord, you are the ultimate teacher of wisdom.  You sat with your disciples and taught them in parables.  Now help me learn wisdom from my experience."

Proverbs 4:25-26 advises, "Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.  Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways." 

Although we cannot forget the past completely, it is unwise to stay "stuck" in it.   Feelings of resentment and lack of forgiveness are understandable at times, but we must let go of the safety rails (e.g. self-sufficiency, substance abuse, control issues) and surrender to God.  Safety rails may feel safe out of their familiarity; however, they are not really safe and never lead us to a place of security.   

God will take us down a path toward healing and discernment when we let go.  That emotional energy has to go somewhere and since we cannot change history we can only move forward.   The hurt needs a legitimate outlet that is future-focused and filled with hope.  In turn, we can become empowered to turn the "bad" of the past into a force for good toward others and a source of growth for ourselves.    

What safety rails are you hanging onto?   

















Source:  God's Wisdom for Navigating Life by Timothy Keller

Fear No Evil

When I tuck my daughters into bed at night, or check on them one more time, a feeling of helplessness can sometimes creep in.    

What kind of world might they face someday?  Will they suffer in any way due to radical Islam or the power of our own ever-expanding government?   Will our own country be so hostile to the faith I hope they profess it will put them at risk in some way?    

It used to seem less likely and yet...I don't know.    

The people at the Boston Marathon or at a Paris concert surely thought that what happened to them was very unlikely.  When the US Ambassador was murdered in Libya in 2012 and when Americans are beheaded for all the world to see by an organization that makes Al-Quaeda look almost quaint, I felt a sense of horror and helplessness.   When it seems all precedents of evil are set, a new terror comes along for us to grapple with.  

Global things aside, we have our own self-inflicted mess, too.   I saw a fake election bumper sticker the other day that read, "Giant Meteor 2016 - Just End It Already".   It made me laugh.   It also seemed to express a collective "ughh" that most of us are feeling on either side of the election.    A speck of unity at last!  

But I don't want to be cynical.  I'm patriotic and believe in the founding principles of this country.   After a year and a half (has it been two?) of political predictions, its impossible not to wonder - could the long-range impact of the election results really affect my children's future in a negative way?   I'm an optimist by nature, but I have to accept that its possible (Supreme Court justices come to mind).    Its also impossible to put it out of mind since we must accept one of two deeply-flawed people to be our next leader.   

Whatever my children's world looks like in 20 or 30 years,  I've decided to not worry about it.  What will my worry accomplish anyway?   I have to set my sights on a firmer foundation, whatever the outcome of anything and everything, and spiritually prepare my heart and mind.

Matthew 24:6-8:  "You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come.  Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the be ginning of birth pains."

2 Timothy 3:1-5a:  "But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,  heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power." 

So basically things going very badly won't be a surprise.   This perspective is not an invitation for us to sit around being cynical though.   There is good news, too.  

Psalm 23:4 promises, "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

2 Peter 3:13, "But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells."

John 14:27, "Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.” 

There are so many more scriptures that assure us good will overcome all evil.   This is just a little handful.   When your heart grows faint and fearful, open God's Word and find comfort, guidance, and peace.

Truth Dispels Darkness

When Paul listed the parts of God's armor in Ephesians 5 he was preparing us for spiritual warfare.   Christian counselors come alongside hurting people to help fight this battle.    
People often come to counseling with what I think of as a "tangled ball" of emotions, fears, and false beliefs.   Counselors help their counselees sort out these issues and, hopefully, lead them to the freedom found in a relationship with God through faith in Christ.  

Not everyone will be reception to the gospel of course; however, Christian counselors trust in the work of Holy Spirit and know the He is the one who softens hearts and opens eyes.   Interestingly, people are often not aware of their own feelings or beliefs.  For example, someone may acknowledge anger and resentment but not realize that he carries a deep sense of shame and guilt.  Another person may find fault with everyone else and remain unaware that she believes she is unlovable.   

The counselor, with Christlikeness,  provides a safe haven for people to explore these issues in the light of God's love and grace.   Secular counselors certainly help people "feel better", but this state of being is only temporal.  Salvation through Christ, freedom from sin and Satan's deceptions, sanctification, spiritual maturity, mental and physical health: these are the goals of Christian counseling.   

Truth, through the power of the Holy Spirit and God's Word, dispels darkness.