Every day we spend a lot of time reacting and responding to the people and circumstances around us without giving much thought to how we respond because its basically automatic. Ten people may have a different emotional reaction to the same situation. We all know that person who is prone to freak out about something that, in the long run, just isn't a big deal. And there's the person who passively accepts whatever comes along, the "oh well" type. I might be tempted to strangle both in a real emergency, but fortunately most of us fall somewhere in the middle of these extremes.
So what gives? Why do our emotional responses vary so much? There is a fairly simple concept called the ABC Model. A represents an activating event, B represents our beliefs about the event (perception), and C represents the emotional and behavioral consequences. Most people assume that their response is caused by the event, or that A causes C, but this is inaccurate. In fact, our beliefs about the event, B, cause our response.
Example: After two days, someone still hasn't responded to your very important email. Person 1 may think: This person is unbelievably inconsiderate. People are rude and selfish. Person 2: I must have done something to offend him/her. I'm always screwing stuff up. Person 3: I'm not important enough. I'm a loser. Person 4: Maybe this person is busy or the message ended up in the junk folder. I'll try again.
Each person's response was based on a sneaky little underlying belief: People are rude and selfish/Its my fault/I'm a loser/There's a rational explanation. Person 4 obviously has the healthiest mindset, even if the one of the other possibilities is true. The first three people pay a heavy emotional price and, generally, will go through life viewing the world this way because they are unconsciously looking for evidence to confirm these beliefs.
I used to show this video clip to people I counseled in recovery: Monkey Business Illusion
9 times out of 10, no one saw it. They saw only what they were told to see. This experience proved to be a great demonstration of how powerful our perception can be. My favorite of Jesus' sayings again: The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! (Matthew 6)
There is an unseen enemy who does great damage to each of us by deceiving and accusing us. He is unfathomably evil and brilliantly creative. We cannot fend him off in our own strength. 1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Note: The ABC Model was creative by Albert Ellis. I like his idea. He was an atheist so we part ways in perspective beyond that.
