I've thought about resurrecting this blog for a while. I get an idea, make a mental note to write something, once in a while starting writing, and then...nothing comes of it. This endless procrastination is partly due to a very busy schedule, but if I'm honest with myself there's another force at work. Perfectionism.
I used to dismiss the idea that I have any perfectionist tendencies because, Duh, its pretty obvious that I'm not perfect. But with time and an array of humbling experiences, I have learned that perfectionism is far more subtle a creature than one might think. Oh its there, lurking behind many of the things I say and do.
The tricky part is spotting it.
"Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy" from the Eagles' Take it Easy is one of my favorite song lines. As anxieties pile up throughout the day to create a sense of pressure and urgency that comes from a hundred different places, it can feel like trying to go up a downward escalator - always moving but never getting anywhere. Enter mental exhaustion.
Some stress is unavoidable as we try to meet our daily obligations and responsibilities. But really, I find myself asking, does God expect my inward state to be frazzled and frustrated all the time? No. Striving to be a good parent, wife, employee, daughter, friend, etc. and accepting the fact that I will fail in each of these areas is liberating. Enter freedom and grace.
But I can't do it alone. Jesus beckons us to give up our quest for self-sufficiency. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28). The word for "rest" in the Greek is to give oneself a chance to stop all activity in order to recover one's strength. My selfish nature will forever be prone to get things right on my own strength, but since I know that I cannot possibly meet this standard, I can be at peace and replenish my spirit with the "living water" that Jesus encouraged the woman at the well to drink (John 4:10).
The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.” Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:9-14
