This is the only time of the year when you can hear songs about God, or "religious" Christmas songs, almost anywhere. The popular song "Angels We Have Heard on High", for example, sings of "Jesus Lord of heaven and earth", "Christ the Lord, the newborn king", and "our Savior's birth". Famous musicians release Christmas albums with songs lyrics such as these. I hope they sing with sincerity, but I also wonder what they really think of the claims in made in these songs.
The word "God" can mean different things to different people, depending on the person's perspective about who He is. At Christmastime two years ago, I wanted to help my clients in
recovery to know more about who God is so I made the following list. Its not a complete list, but if you've never heard any of these beautiful names, then surely they will bless those who are seeking to understand why people sing "Glory to God in the highest", or "Gloria in excelsis Deo".
El Shaddai (All-Sufficient One, Lord God Almighty)
This refers to God completely nourishing, satisfying, and supplying His people with all their needs as a mother would her child. Connected with the word for God, El, this denotes a God who freely gives nourishment and blessing, He is our sustainer.
Gen 28:3 - And God Almighty bless thee, and make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, that thou mayest be a multitude of people
El Elyon (The Most High God)
It expresses the extreme sovereignty and majesty of God and His highest preeminence. When the two words are combined — El Elyon — it can be translated as "the most exalted God.”
Psalm 57:2 - I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills {his purpose} for me.
Adonai (Lord, Master)
Plural form; Isaiah 28:16 - Therefore, this is what the Sovereign LORD says: "Look! I am placing a foundation stone in Jerusalem, a firm and tested stone. It is a precious cornerstone that is safe to build on. Whoever believes need never be shaken. (This cornerstone is Jesus Christ.)
Yahweh/YHWH (Lord, Jehovah; omnipotence of God, absolute ruler)
Yahweh is the promised name of God. This name of God which (by Jewish tradition) is too holy to voice, is actually spelled "YHWH" without vowels. This is the name most often used for God in the Old Testament (6, 519 times).
Malachi 2:17 - You have wearied the LORD with your words. "How have we wearied him?" you ask. You have wearied him by saying that all who do evil are good in the LORD's sight, and he is pleased with them. You have wearied him by asking, "Where is the God of justice?"
Jehovah Nissi (The Lord My Banner)
Jehovah is translated as "The Existing One" or "Lord." The chief meaning of Jehovah is derived from the Hebrew word Havah meaning "to be" or "to exist."
In Exd 17:15, Moses, recognizing that the Lord was Israel's banner under which they defeated the Amalekites, builds an altar named Jehovah-Nissi (the Lord our Banner).
Exodus 17:15 - Moses built an altar and called it The LORD is my Banner.
Jehovah-Raah (The Lord My Shepherd)
A shepherd is one who feeds or leads his flock to pasture (Eze 34:11-15). An extend translation of this word, rea', is "friend" or "companion." This indicates the intimacy God desires between Himself and His people. When the two words are combined — Jehovah Raah — it can be translated as "The Lord my Friend."
Psalm 23:1 - The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
Jehovah Rapha (The Lord That Heals)
Rapha (râpâ') means "to restore", "to heal" or "to make healthful" in Hebrew. Jehovah is the Great Physician who heals the physical and emotional needs of His people.
Psalm 6:2 - Have compassion on me, LORD, for I am weak. Heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony.
Jeremiah 3:22 - "My wayward children," says the LORD, "come back to me, and I will heal your wayward hearts." "Yes, we're coming," the people reply, "for you are the LORD our God.”
Jehovah Shammah (The Lord Is There)
Shammah is derived from the Hebrew word sham, which can be translated as "there."
Ezekiel 48:35 - "The distance around the entire city [Jerusalem] will be 6 miles. And from that day the name of the city will be 'The LORD Is There.'”
Jehovah Tsidkenu (The Lord Our Righteousness)
(pronounced “tsid-kenah”) "to be straight," or "righteous" in Hebrew
Jeremiah 33:16 - In those days Judah will be saved, And Jerusalem will dwell safely. And this is the name by which she will be called: THE LORD OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS
Jehovah M’kaddesh (The Lord Who Sanctifies You)
Meaning "sanctify," "holy," or "dedicate." Sanctification is the separation of an object or person to the dedication of the Holy. When the two words are combined — Jehovah Mekoddishkem — it can be translated as "The Lord who sets you apart."
Lev 20:8 - Keep my statutes and do them; I am the LORD who sanctifies you.
El Olam (The Everlasting God, The God of Ancient Days)
Olam literally means "forever," "eternity," or "everlasting".
Jeremiah 10:10 - But the LORD is the true God; He is the living God and the everlasting King. At His wrath the earth will tremble, And the nations will not be able to endure His indignation.
Isaiah 26:4 - Trust in the LORD always, for the LORD GOD is the eternal Rock.
Elohim (Creator God)
Genesis 1:1 - In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
Psalm 8:5 - For You have made him [man] a little lower than the angels, And You have crowned him with glory and honor.
Pater (Father)
Matthew 5:16 - In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
Qanna (Jealous, zealous)
The fundamental meaning relates to a marriage relationship. God is depicted as Israel's husband; He is a jealous God, wanting all our praise for Himself and no one else.
Exodus 34:14 - You must worship no other gods, for the LORD, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you.
Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Will Provide)
Genesis 22:14 - And Abraham called the name of the place, The-LORD-Will-Provide; as it is said to this day, "In the Mount of the LORD it shall be provided."
Jehovah Shalom (The Lord Is Peace)
Judges 6:24 - And Gideon built an altar to the LORD there and named it Yahweh-Shalom (which means "the LORD is peace"). The altar remains in Ophrah in the land of the clan of Abiezer to this day.
Jehovah Sabaoth (The Lord of Hosts, The Lord of Armies)
Jehovah Sabaoth can be translated as "The Lord of Armies" (1Sa 1:3). This name denotes His universal sovereignty over every army, both spiritual and earthly. The Lord of Hosts is the king of all heaven and earth.
Isaiah 3:15 - How dare you crush my people, grinding the faces of the poor into the dust?" demands the Lord, the LORD of Heaven's Armies.
Zechariah 1:3 - Therefore, say to the people, 'This is what the LORD of Heaven's Armies says: Return to me, and I will return to you, says the LORD of Heaven's Armies.'
I AM הָיָה
Exodus 3:14 - Moses said to God, "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?"
God replied to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM. Say this to the people of Israel: I AM has sent me to you."
John 8:24 - That is why I said that you will die in your sins; for unless you believe that I AM who I claim to be, you will die in your sins."
The Alpha and Omega (The Beginning and The End)
Revelation 1:8 - "I am the Alpha and the Omega—the beginning and the end," says the Lord God. "I am the one who is, who always was, and who is still to come—the Almighty One."
Revelation 21:6 - He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life.”
Names of Christ (not a complete list)
Jesus/Yeshua/Joshua
Means “Jehovah is salvation”, “God incarnate”
Matthew 1:21 - "And she will bring forth a Son, and you shall call His name JESUS, for He will save His people from their sins."
Revelation 1:5 - “...and from Jesus Christ. He is the faithful witness to these things, the first to rise from the dead, and the ruler of all the kings of the world. All glory to him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by shedding his blood for us.”
Emmanuel (God is with us)
Matthew 1:23 - "Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means 'God is with us.'"
Ya'ats (Counselor), Pele (Wonderful)
Isaiah 9:6 - For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government
shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful,
Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
Sar Shalom (The Prince of Peace)
Isaiah 9:6 (prophecy) - For
unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will
be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor,
Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Messiah/Christ (Anointed)
John 4:25 - The woman said, "I know the Messiah is coming—the one who is called Christ. When he comes, he will explain everything to us."
Soter (Savior of the World)
John 4:42 - They said to the woman, "We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world."
Agnus Dei (The Lamb of God)
John 1:29 - The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!
Hodos (The Way), Aletheia (The Truth), Zoe (The Life)
John 14:6 - Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.
Matthew 7:14 - "Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.
Poimen (The Shepherd)
John 10:11 - "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.”
Ampelos (The Vine)
John 15:5 - "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more.”
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Every Moment Counts
The other day my first grader stayed home from school with a cold. She looked and sounded terrible. She was up and about, not really sick enough to be crashed on the couch all day and well enough to be bored by 9:30. Sick and bored, with only half her normal energy level. I had thought I would escape the bug, but by the afternoon I knew I hadn't.
After a movie, a craft, games, a napless toddler, someone always asking for food but never eating much, constant running of interference between sick child and napless child, and a box of Christmas stuff dragged out of the closet as a desperate attempt to keep them occupied, I was ready to call it a day. Before dinner.
By 8 pm, the girls were clean, fed, and snoozing soundly. While breathing in as much steam as possible in a hot shower, I pondered the day. I've had much harder times as a parent, but for some reason I wanted to feel a sense of accomplishment, some kind of tangible result from a day's work.
Wouldn't it be nice if someday, years from now, my older daughter would say, "You remember that day when we all felt like crap but you did a fantastic job anyway? Thank you for being such a super awesome workhorse parent! I will treasure the example you set for me forever." Realistically, she probably won't remember this day because nothing of any significance happened, at least not in an earthly sense.
Then suddenly I was hit with a thought: every moment counts. Every. Moment. "God? Is that you? So if every moment counts in your eyes then I have to be a perfect parent and we both know that's not gonna happen."
If God was sending a little encouragement my way, and I believe he was, then the basic message is not perfectionism but this: Love is never in vain. Every loving thing we do for our children counts, no matter how seemingly mundane. No one else may see, but God sees and this love is impressed on their young hearts.
A long while back I had an insight about love. If the ultimate example of selfless love is Jesus dying for mankind, then warm fuzzy feelings have little to do with it. He did not feel warm fuzzies when he died.
Its easy to love my adorable girls with warm fuzzy feelings but there are times when parenting does not feel like this at all (some vomit memories come to mind). In such times, we can look to Jesus' sacrificial attitude as the foundation of how we love our children. Not out of drudgery, but from a heart full of grace.
After a movie, a craft, games, a napless toddler, someone always asking for food but never eating much, constant running of interference between sick child and napless child, and a box of Christmas stuff dragged out of the closet as a desperate attempt to keep them occupied, I was ready to call it a day. Before dinner.
By 8 pm, the girls were clean, fed, and snoozing soundly. While breathing in as much steam as possible in a hot shower, I pondered the day. I've had much harder times as a parent, but for some reason I wanted to feel a sense of accomplishment, some kind of tangible result from a day's work.
Wouldn't it be nice if someday, years from now, my older daughter would say, "You remember that day when we all felt like crap but you did a fantastic job anyway? Thank you for being such a super awesome workhorse parent! I will treasure the example you set for me forever." Realistically, she probably won't remember this day because nothing of any significance happened, at least not in an earthly sense.
Then suddenly I was hit with a thought: every moment counts. Every. Moment. "God? Is that you? So if every moment counts in your eyes then I have to be a perfect parent and we both know that's not gonna happen."
If God was sending a little encouragement my way, and I believe he was, then the basic message is not perfectionism but this: Love is never in vain. Every loving thing we do for our children counts, no matter how seemingly mundane. No one else may see, but God sees and this love is impressed on their young hearts.
A long while back I had an insight about love. If the ultimate example of selfless love is Jesus dying for mankind, then warm fuzzy feelings have little to do with it. He did not feel warm fuzzies when he died.
Its easy to love my adorable girls with warm fuzzy feelings but there are times when parenting does not feel like this at all (some vomit memories come to mind). In such times, we can look to Jesus' sacrificial attitude as the foundation of how we love our children. Not out of drudgery, but from a heart full of grace.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
The ABCs of Thinking Part 2
I love these verses that emphasize what, in a nutshell, describes a healthy state of mind: For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace (Rom 8:6); We have the mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:16), ...to be renewed in the spirit of your minds (Eph 4:23); And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:7).
Its clear from these scriptures that thinking and spirituality are related. Your spiritual "eyes" are your filter. After Phil 4:7, Paul tells his readers to dwell on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise. Much easier said than done! Try watching the ten o'clock news and come away with any information that comes close to pure and lovely.
The good news is that the spirit does some of the work for us since we can't (e.g. renewing our minds). We modern folk have more of a challenge being exposed to nonstop bad news and other negative media (primetime TV anyone?), but in the long run we are responsible for how we think.
Here are some common unhealthy thinking habits:
All-or-nothing thinking - rigid black or white thinking; there's no middle ground; perfectionism
Overgeneralizing - one bad thing leads to negative assumptions about other things; words like always, never, nobody, everyone. Ex: "No one ever cares about what I have to say."
Magnifying/minimizing - exaggerating negatives and ignoring positives; everything is a catastrophe
Mind reading - Assuming what others think without asking; leads to resentment
Fortune telling - Worrying/fretting/freaking out; assuming the worst will happen or, if it does, the consequences will be unbearable
Emotional reasoning - Assuming your feelings always accurately represent reality. Ex: I feel like a loser right now so I must be one.
These habits can be so entrenched in us that we don't even realize we're doing it. How often do we stop and think about our thinking? People struggling with addiction often relapse long after their bodies are drug free because they fall into the same old negative patterns of thought.
You can be sure that Satan knows how to take advantage of our weaknesses. James 1:13-15 describes how this happens: "When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."
We don't have to go through life forever analyzing ourselves, but if we allow the Holy Spirit to expose our weaknesses we will find freedom. 2 Cor 3:17, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
Adapted from Nelson Binggeli at http://www.nelsonbinggeli.net/NB/CBT-CR.html
Its clear from these scriptures that thinking and spirituality are related. Your spiritual "eyes" are your filter. After Phil 4:7, Paul tells his readers to dwell on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise. Much easier said than done! Try watching the ten o'clock news and come away with any information that comes close to pure and lovely.
The good news is that the spirit does some of the work for us since we can't (e.g. renewing our minds). We modern folk have more of a challenge being exposed to nonstop bad news and other negative media (primetime TV anyone?), but in the long run we are responsible for how we think.
Here are some common unhealthy thinking habits:
All-or-nothing thinking - rigid black or white thinking; there's no middle ground; perfectionism
Overgeneralizing - one bad thing leads to negative assumptions about other things; words like always, never, nobody, everyone. Ex: "No one ever cares about what I have to say."
Magnifying/minimizing - exaggerating negatives and ignoring positives; everything is a catastrophe
Mind reading - Assuming what others think without asking; leads to resentment
Fortune telling - Worrying/fretting/freaking out; assuming the worst will happen or, if it does, the consequences will be unbearable
Emotional reasoning - Assuming your feelings always accurately represent reality. Ex: I feel like a loser right now so I must be one.
These habits can be so entrenched in us that we don't even realize we're doing it. How often do we stop and think about our thinking? People struggling with addiction often relapse long after their bodies are drug free because they fall into the same old negative patterns of thought.
You can be sure that Satan knows how to take advantage of our weaknesses. James 1:13-15 describes how this happens: "When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."
We don't have to go through life forever analyzing ourselves, but if we allow the Holy Spirit to expose our weaknesses we will find freedom. 2 Cor 3:17, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
Adapted from Nelson Binggeli at http://www.nelsonbinggeli.net/NB/CBT-CR.html
Thursday, November 21, 2013
The ABCs of Thinking Part 1
Every day we spend a lot of time reacting and responding to the people and circumstances around us without giving much thought to how we respond because its basically automatic. Ten people may have a different emotional reaction to the same situation. We all know that person who is prone to freak out about something that, in the long run, just isn't a big deal. And there's the person who passively accepts whatever comes along, the "oh well" type. I might be tempted to strangle both in a real emergency, but fortunately most of us fall somewhere in the middle of these extremes.
So what gives? Why do our emotional responses vary so much? There is a fairly simple concept called the ABC Model. A represents an activating event, B represents our beliefs about the event (perception), and C represents the emotional and behavioral consequences. Most people assume that their response is caused by the event, or that A causes C, but this is inaccurate. In fact, our beliefs about the event, B, cause our response.
Example: After two days, someone still hasn't responded to your very important email. Person 1 may think: This person is unbelievably inconsiderate. People are rude and selfish. Person 2: I must have done something to offend him/her. I'm always screwing stuff up. Person 3: I'm not important enough. I'm a loser. Person 4: Maybe this person is busy or the message ended up in the junk folder. I'll try again.
Each person's response was based on a sneaky little underlying belief: People are rude and selfish/Its my fault/I'm a loser/There's a rational explanation. Person 4 obviously has the healthiest mindset, even if the one of the other possibilities is true. The first three people pay a heavy emotional price and, generally, will go through life viewing the world this way because they are unconsciously looking for evidence to confirm these beliefs.
I used to show this video clip to people I counseled in recovery: Monkey Business Illusion
9 times out of 10, no one saw it. They saw only what they were told to see. This experience proved to be a great demonstration of how powerful our perception can be. My favorite of Jesus' sayings again: The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! (Matthew 6)
There is an unseen enemy who does great damage to each of us by deceiving and accusing us. He is unfathomably evil and brilliantly creative. We cannot fend him off in our own strength. 1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Note: The ABC Model was creative by Albert Ellis. I like his idea. He was an atheist so we part ways in perspective beyond that.
So what gives? Why do our emotional responses vary so much? There is a fairly simple concept called the ABC Model. A represents an activating event, B represents our beliefs about the event (perception), and C represents the emotional and behavioral consequences. Most people assume that their response is caused by the event, or that A causes C, but this is inaccurate. In fact, our beliefs about the event, B, cause our response.
Example: After two days, someone still hasn't responded to your very important email. Person 1 may think: This person is unbelievably inconsiderate. People are rude and selfish. Person 2: I must have done something to offend him/her. I'm always screwing stuff up. Person 3: I'm not important enough. I'm a loser. Person 4: Maybe this person is busy or the message ended up in the junk folder. I'll try again.
Each person's response was based on a sneaky little underlying belief: People are rude and selfish/Its my fault/I'm a loser/There's a rational explanation. Person 4 obviously has the healthiest mindset, even if the one of the other possibilities is true. The first three people pay a heavy emotional price and, generally, will go through life viewing the world this way because they are unconsciously looking for evidence to confirm these beliefs.
I used to show this video clip to people I counseled in recovery: Monkey Business Illusion
9 times out of 10, no one saw it. They saw only what they were told to see. This experience proved to be a great demonstration of how powerful our perception can be. My favorite of Jesus' sayings again: The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! (Matthew 6)
There is an unseen enemy who does great damage to each of us by deceiving and accusing us. He is unfathomably evil and brilliantly creative. We cannot fend him off in our own strength. 1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Note: The ABC Model was creative by Albert Ellis. I like his idea. He was an atheist so we part ways in perspective beyond that.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Am I Pretty or Ugly?
"Ok guys, this is a serious matter....I wanna know if I'm pretty or not because all the girls in my class are like 'You're prettier than me.'" The beautiful pre-teen girl with too much eye makeup spoke these words on a YouTube video. Throughout her 2-minute entreaty, she makes a point to emphasize how much her peers flatter her.
I wish this was a unique video, but sadly its not. There are hundreds like it with girls practically begging to be admired. Instead of seeking validation that they are beautiful, a few girls take the position of being ugly and hope that someone out there will vouch they're not. Either way, the motive is the same: they are pleas to raise a sense of worthiness based on appearance.
There is a difference between the concepts of self-image and self-worth. Self-image is vulnerable to whatever puffs up or knocks down our ego. No one's self-image remains stable throughout life because it relies largely on external things. Some days we're flying high because we accomplished something, other days we're in the gutter because of criticism.
Our sense of self-worth can be stable if its based on a healthy worldview. Self-worth cannot build itself on the shaky foundation of self-image. If we do, we end up seeking validation and a sense of worthiness from other people, where we can never truly find it. This is what these young girls are attempting to do and it can lead to disaster.
It is normal for girls in early adolescence to feel insecure and seek approval from their peers. They are transitioning from children to women and social, physical, and emotional changes come with the territory. But a glance at the video comments reveals that they've entered a dangerous realm where anonymous people either flatter them or try to wound them deeply. There really is no limit to the cruelty unleashed on these girls. If this isn't scary enough, there are certainly predators ready to take advantage of their vulnerability.
Girls need to be taught that their worth comes from their loving Creator, who designed them to reflect the nurturing side of his character. There are encouraging Scriptures to consider if you're raising a daughter: Proverbs 30:31 says, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." 1 Peter 3:3-4 tells us about true beauty, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."
Outward beauty is a gift, but like any good thing, it can be twisted into something self-destructive.
I wish this was a unique video, but sadly its not. There are hundreds like it with girls practically begging to be admired. Instead of seeking validation that they are beautiful, a few girls take the position of being ugly and hope that someone out there will vouch they're not. Either way, the motive is the same: they are pleas to raise a sense of worthiness based on appearance.
There is a difference between the concepts of self-image and self-worth. Self-image is vulnerable to whatever puffs up or knocks down our ego. No one's self-image remains stable throughout life because it relies largely on external things. Some days we're flying high because we accomplished something, other days we're in the gutter because of criticism.
Our sense of self-worth can be stable if its based on a healthy worldview. Self-worth cannot build itself on the shaky foundation of self-image. If we do, we end up seeking validation and a sense of worthiness from other people, where we can never truly find it. This is what these young girls are attempting to do and it can lead to disaster.
It is normal for girls in early adolescence to feel insecure and seek approval from their peers. They are transitioning from children to women and social, physical, and emotional changes come with the territory. But a glance at the video comments reveals that they've entered a dangerous realm where anonymous people either flatter them or try to wound them deeply. There really is no limit to the cruelty unleashed on these girls. If this isn't scary enough, there are certainly predators ready to take advantage of their vulnerability.
Girls need to be taught that their worth comes from their loving Creator, who designed them to reflect the nurturing side of his character. There are encouraging Scriptures to consider if you're raising a daughter: Proverbs 30:31 says, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." 1 Peter 3:3-4 tells us about true beauty, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."
Outward beauty is a gift, but like any good thing, it can be twisted into something self-destructive.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
There's No 7T
I stare in my coffee cup wondering if I made the right choice. I sent my almost 7-year-old to school in a state of righteous indignation over a grave injustice done to her - I made her wear a jumper. A khaki colored uniform dress with little pleats and a white shirt underneath. Adorable. Her mood quickly changed from mild whine to hysterics when she realized she would be stuck in that dress. Her dad put her in the car and climbed in the driver's side with a long-suffering look as he braced for the dramatic ride to school.
Something begins to change in kids around age 7. There's a size 6T, but no 7T. Somehow even clothing companies recognize that the T for toddler days are over by now. They develop a greater sense of moral reasoning, more advanced social skills, and better problem solving skills.
Erik Erikson, a well-known developmental psychologist, believed that children in this stage need to develop a sense of competence, which includes more than mom and dad's approval. Instead of just outright accepting whatever their parents say, kids will consider the opinions of their peers. In short, they need to feel able to face challenges in the big, bad world, even if that world is still small (e.g. school, church).
Hence my daughter's jumper crisis. According to her, no one teases her when she wears a jumper, but two of her little girlfriends don't wear them. And that's pretty much the crux of the matter.
When my child weeps and wails, my instinct is to fix it right away. Take away the pain. But I can't do that in every circumstance. I don't want to turn a deaf ear to her worries (even fashion worries), but if I had given into her this morning, I would have taught her the power of an emotional tantrum and I don't want to do that.
I want her to head out in the mornings with the right mix of confidence and humility. A tall order, I admit. Knowing that she will face much greater challenges than feeling self-conscious in a jumper, I want her to be okay with herself because of her worth in God's eyes. She is a mini-woman in training and I am her primary example for learning to be what God made her to be. And since I'm in the process of learning what this means in my own life, that is a tall order for me.
Reference: Papalia, D.E., Olds, S.W., & Feldman, R.D. (2004). A child’s world: infancy through adolescence. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Something begins to change in kids around age 7. There's a size 6T, but no 7T. Somehow even clothing companies recognize that the T for toddler days are over by now. They develop a greater sense of moral reasoning, more advanced social skills, and better problem solving skills.
Erik Erikson, a well-known developmental psychologist, believed that children in this stage need to develop a sense of competence, which includes more than mom and dad's approval. Instead of just outright accepting whatever their parents say, kids will consider the opinions of their peers. In short, they need to feel able to face challenges in the big, bad world, even if that world is still small (e.g. school, church).
Hence my daughter's jumper crisis. According to her, no one teases her when she wears a jumper, but two of her little girlfriends don't wear them. And that's pretty much the crux of the matter.
When my child weeps and wails, my instinct is to fix it right away. Take away the pain. But I can't do that in every circumstance. I don't want to turn a deaf ear to her worries (even fashion worries), but if I had given into her this morning, I would have taught her the power of an emotional tantrum and I don't want to do that.
I want her to head out in the mornings with the right mix of confidence and humility. A tall order, I admit. Knowing that she will face much greater challenges than feeling self-conscious in a jumper, I want her to be okay with herself because of her worth in God's eyes. She is a mini-woman in training and I am her primary example for learning to be what God made her to be. And since I'm in the process of learning what this means in my own life, that is a tall order for me.
Reference: Papalia, D.E., Olds, S.W., & Feldman, R.D. (2004). A child’s world: infancy through adolescence. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Perception -The Eyes are the Lamp
"The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!" (Matt. 6:22-23). Jesus spoke these words on the Sermon on the Mount.
Of all the amazing things he said, I think these are probably my favorite lines because they are about perception and I am fascinated by the concept of perception. It is a complex subject that involves so many aspects of ourselves: personality traits, temperament, our belief system, what your parents taught you, to name a few. A person's perception is sometimes referred to as a worldview, which serves as a kind of filter for everything we know and believe about ourselves and our environment.
Music stirs our emotions, movies make us cry. But then we move on pretty quickly to the next thing. In our fast-moving, pleasure-seeking society, its hard to stop and think about how we perceive the world on a deeper level. We don't often ask ourselves questions like, "Is there a Creator?" "What is my purpose?" "What happens after I die?" These are existential questions that we may not answer directly, but guess what? We all have some sort of answer for each one even if we aren't conscious of it.
Dr. John Thomas (Thomas & Sosin, 2011), one of my favorite professors at Liberty University, says that a person's worldview is made of four raw materials: cosmology, teleology, epistemology, and axiology. Academic words, but their meanings are pretty familiar.
Cosmology involves the Creationism vs evolution debate. In short, how did we get here?
Teleology concerns the purpose of life and asks "What is the meaning of life?".
Epistemology wants to understand the source of truth and knowledge. A biblical worldview (Judeo-Christian), a man-centered worldview (humanism), empiricism (science), and rationalism (reason) are the most common ones.
Axiology is our concept of right and wrong. Are there universal, God-established moral laws or does man make them up at his convenience?
If you think you've no answer to any of these questions, Dr. Thomas suggests considering your beliefs on these hotly debated topics: abortion, sex outside marriage, gay marriage, and capital punishment. Your answers will depend on how you answer the four "ology" questions above. Jesus' statement that the eye is the lamp of the body means that we view the world and its ever-changing ideas of right and wrong from a much deeper perspective than we may realize. And that view will lead us to either spiritual darkness or light.
People sometimes seek counseling because they are in an internally "tangled" state of conflicting emotions and confused beliefs based on a morally shifting foundation. They have never stopped to consider their perception of the world and instead simply adopted what others say is true. The problem is that, despite vastly different opinions on the answers to the "ology" questions, everyone is supposed to somehow be right!
At the end of his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus describes the fate of a foolish man who "built his house on sand" and a wise man who "built his house on the rock" (Matt. 7:24-27). Rain, flood, and wind slammed both but only the house built on rock, the solid foundation, was left standing. Christian counselors hope to lead hurting people toward building their lives on this foundation and these vital questions can be a great place to start.
Source: Thomas, J. C. & Sosin, L. (2011) Therapeutic expedition: equipping the Christian counselor for the journey. Nashville, TN: B & H.
Of all the amazing things he said, I think these are probably my favorite lines because they are about perception and I am fascinated by the concept of perception. It is a complex subject that involves so many aspects of ourselves: personality traits, temperament, our belief system, what your parents taught you, to name a few. A person's perception is sometimes referred to as a worldview, which serves as a kind of filter for everything we know and believe about ourselves and our environment.
Music stirs our emotions, movies make us cry. But then we move on pretty quickly to the next thing. In our fast-moving, pleasure-seeking society, its hard to stop and think about how we perceive the world on a deeper level. We don't often ask ourselves questions like, "Is there a Creator?" "What is my purpose?" "What happens after I die?" These are existential questions that we may not answer directly, but guess what? We all have some sort of answer for each one even if we aren't conscious of it.
Dr. John Thomas (Thomas & Sosin, 2011), one of my favorite professors at Liberty University, says that a person's worldview is made of four raw materials: cosmology, teleology, epistemology, and axiology. Academic words, but their meanings are pretty familiar.
Cosmology involves the Creationism vs evolution debate. In short, how did we get here?
Teleology concerns the purpose of life and asks "What is the meaning of life?".
Epistemology wants to understand the source of truth and knowledge. A biblical worldview (Judeo-Christian), a man-centered worldview (humanism), empiricism (science), and rationalism (reason) are the most common ones.
Axiology is our concept of right and wrong. Are there universal, God-established moral laws or does man make them up at his convenience?
If you think you've no answer to any of these questions, Dr. Thomas suggests considering your beliefs on these hotly debated topics: abortion, sex outside marriage, gay marriage, and capital punishment. Your answers will depend on how you answer the four "ology" questions above. Jesus' statement that the eye is the lamp of the body means that we view the world and its ever-changing ideas of right and wrong from a much deeper perspective than we may realize. And that view will lead us to either spiritual darkness or light.
People sometimes seek counseling because they are in an internally "tangled" state of conflicting emotions and confused beliefs based on a morally shifting foundation. They have never stopped to consider their perception of the world and instead simply adopted what others say is true. The problem is that, despite vastly different opinions on the answers to the "ology" questions, everyone is supposed to somehow be right!
At the end of his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus describes the fate of a foolish man who "built his house on sand" and a wise man who "built his house on the rock" (Matt. 7:24-27). Rain, flood, and wind slammed both but only the house built on rock, the solid foundation, was left standing. Christian counselors hope to lead hurting people toward building their lives on this foundation and these vital questions can be a great place to start.
Source: Thomas, J. C. & Sosin, L. (2011) Therapeutic expedition: equipping the Christian counselor for the journey. Nashville, TN: B & H.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Parakaleo Hugs
We have a very happy little girl. Most of the time. It seems there are two conditions that turn our joyful child into a miserable one: hunger and tiredness. The combo of these is especially powerful. Many times I've picked up a smiling, laughing person from school only to witness an amazing transformation. Over the slightest disappointment, the smiling girl becomes weepy and inconsolable. Her range in this state is anything from whining to outright sobbing. This can happen any time but I've found that the minefields are before school, after school, dinnertime, and bedtime.
After a few years of parenting these intense moments, I've learned both wise and unwise ways of responding. She is pretty much beyond reasoning in that state so the reasoning strategy is out. And if she hasn't disobeyed in any way there isn't much of a discipline option. So what to do?
I avoid getting swept up into an emotional state myself (esp. if I'm tired and hungry too) and keep my voice low and calm. I tell her to take deep breaths and to try to speak without whining. These MOs are helpful but they don't solve the problem.
My child needs rest. Or food. But the best medicine is neither. What is most helpful is simple: a hug. Not just any hug but a hug that demonstrates humility and unconditional love.
Noutheteo and parakaleo are Greek words used in the Bible. Noutheteo means to admonish, warn, or exhort. It is generally used in the sense of trying to correct a person's wayward behavior. Paul used it often to describe how Christians should hold one another accountable. In 1 Cor 4:14 he says to the church, "I do not write these things to shame you, but as my beloved children I warn you." It is also essentially what parents do when they correct their children.
Parakaleo can also mean to admonish but the meaning is a little different. More than outright rebuke it means to call to one's side, to entreat and console someone who is struggling. It is an encouraging, comforting attitude toward another. 1 Thess 1:11-12 says, "For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging [parakaleo], comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory."
Being able to tower over your child when you mean business is a handy advantage, but in these times we've found that the wiser approach is to get down on your knees, be eye to eye, and offer an open-armed embrace. Our precious little girl always accepts the invitation by crashing into our arms. This simple, humble hug has a profound impact on her little heart because it demonstrates God's unconditional love and grace for her.
As imperfect people ourselves, it is good to remember that sometimes we, too, need this same embrace from God when we become a blubbering mess.
After a few years of parenting these intense moments, I've learned both wise and unwise ways of responding. She is pretty much beyond reasoning in that state so the reasoning strategy is out. And if she hasn't disobeyed in any way there isn't much of a discipline option. So what to do?
I avoid getting swept up into an emotional state myself (esp. if I'm tired and hungry too) and keep my voice low and calm. I tell her to take deep breaths and to try to speak without whining. These MOs are helpful but they don't solve the problem.
My child needs rest. Or food. But the best medicine is neither. What is most helpful is simple: a hug. Not just any hug but a hug that demonstrates humility and unconditional love.
Noutheteo and parakaleo are Greek words used in the Bible. Noutheteo means to admonish, warn, or exhort. It is generally used in the sense of trying to correct a person's wayward behavior. Paul used it often to describe how Christians should hold one another accountable. In 1 Cor 4:14 he says to the church, "I do not write these things to shame you, but as my beloved children I warn you." It is also essentially what parents do when they correct their children.
Parakaleo can also mean to admonish but the meaning is a little different. More than outright rebuke it means to call to one's side, to entreat and console someone who is struggling. It is an encouraging, comforting attitude toward another. 1 Thess 1:11-12 says, "For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging [parakaleo], comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory."
Being able to tower over your child when you mean business is a handy advantage, but in these times we've found that the wiser approach is to get down on your knees, be eye to eye, and offer an open-armed embrace. Our precious little girl always accepts the invitation by crashing into our arms. This simple, humble hug has a profound impact on her little heart because it demonstrates God's unconditional love and grace for her.
As imperfect people ourselves, it is good to remember that sometimes we, too, need this same embrace from God when we become a blubbering mess.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Let Steadfastness Have Its Full Effect
I wrote a verse from James in my journal recently. I've read the entire verse many times but I have never really thought about the particular phrase "let steadfastness have its full effect". The passage reads:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4
What a standard! Perfect? Lacking nothing? In just typing these words I am conscious of all the things I lack (e.g. profound insight, awesome writing skills, unselfishness). Since perfection is impossible, James must have meant something else. So I turn to some helpful resources to figure out what is meant by "steadfastness" and what it's effect is supposed to be.
Steadfastness in this sense is the Greek word "hypomone" which is translated as patience, endurance, or perseverance. The full effect is "teleios", or something which is brought to its end/maturity/lacking nothing for completeness. Faithfulness, through all sorts of trials, works in us to produce a remarkable patience and ability to persevere which leads to spiritual maturity (i.e., Christlike character).
The phrase "that you may be" implies a state of being, not just something that happens to us supernaturally and then fades away when all is well again. Its an inward transformation of character. As such, we become complete, or "holokleros", meaning we have no blemish or defect.
Since we are loaded with blemishes and defects, God gave us a loophole. Romans 8:1-2 says"...there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death".
In short, we're to "let" perseverance by faith change our character so that we become spiritually mature and possess Christlike character traits. This is a life long process and a mission that will not be fully accomplished until we see Christ face to face.
I think of Jesus' words in John 3:21 when he tells Nicodemus, " But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God."
I am encouraged when I read these verses because, at the end of my life I want to be able to look back and say, "This (whatever that may be) is what the Lord has done." In other words, I want it to be obvious that the Lord has used my life in a way that glorifies his name and brings about things that only he can do. My task, then, is to not get in his way and "let steadfastness have its full effect".
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Truth Dispels Darkness
When Paul listed the parts of God's armor in Ephesians 5 he was preparing us for spiritual warfare. Christian counselors come alongside hurting people to help fight this battle.
People often come to counseling with what I think of as a "tangled ball" of emotions, fears, and false beliefs. Counselors help their counselees sort out these issues and, hopefully, lead them to the freedom found in a relationship with God through faith in Christ.
Not everyone will be reception to the gospel of course; however, Christian counselors trust in the work of Holy Spirit and know the He is the one who softens hearts and opens eyes. Interestingly, people are often not aware of their own feelings or beliefs. For example, someone may acknowledge anger and resentment but not realize that he carries a deep sense of shame and guilt. Another person may find fault with everyone else and remain unaware that she believes she is unlovable.
The counselor, with Christlikeness, provides a safe haven for people to explore these issues in the light of God's love and grace. Secular counselors certainly help people "feel better", but this state of being is only temporal. Salvation through Christ, freedom from sin and Satan's deceptions, sanctification, spiritual maturity, mental and physical health: these are the goals of Christian counseling.
Truth, through the power of the Holy Spirit and God's Word, dispels darkness.
People often come to counseling with what I think of as a "tangled ball" of emotions, fears, and false beliefs. Counselors help their counselees sort out these issues and, hopefully, lead them to the freedom found in a relationship with God through faith in Christ.
Not everyone will be reception to the gospel of course; however, Christian counselors trust in the work of Holy Spirit and know the He is the one who softens hearts and opens eyes. Interestingly, people are often not aware of their own feelings or beliefs. For example, someone may acknowledge anger and resentment but not realize that he carries a deep sense of shame and guilt. Another person may find fault with everyone else and remain unaware that she believes she is unlovable.
The counselor, with Christlikeness, provides a safe haven for people to explore these issues in the light of God's love and grace. Secular counselors certainly help people "feel better", but this state of being is only temporal. Salvation through Christ, freedom from sin and Satan's deceptions, sanctification, spiritual maturity, mental and physical health: these are the goals of Christian counseling.
Truth, through the power of the Holy Spirit and God's Word, dispels darkness.
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