Dude-Boys and Vitamins (Development in the Preschool Stage)

While playing wedding with her dolls, our proud-to-be-four-year-old stated that she does not want to marry a "dude-boy".   Her tone when saying "dude-boy" emphasized her distaste of the idea.   Its been amazing to see her change developmentally in so many ways from age 3 and a half to 4 and some odd months.   

I've been praying for this.  Actually, I've been praying for myself until we arrived here.   We are leaving behind the challenges of toddlerhood and moving into THE PRESCHOOL AGE.   Hallelujah.

This is my favorite stage.   Children this age understand so much, yet they still often use magical thinking (there's an example of this below).   It makes for interesting and often hilarious moments.  Erik Erikson labeled this stage the Initiative vs Guilt stage, lasting from about age 3-5.    

Socialization skills develop (e.g. cooperating, sharing, turn taking, role playing) that really expand their world.   The ability to manipulate develops, too, so we parents have to stay sharp and (hopefully) model how to get by in life without being devious.   

Imaginative play begins in earnest and you definitely want to eavesdrop on your child's conversations with herself while she's playing.   The names they come up with and songs they sing at random are worth writing down.    "I hear a dog ruffing!"  "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.   Old McFarm it is to ride..."

Kids need to develop a sense of purpose during this stage by finding a balance between taking initiative and developing the ability to feel guilt.   Getting dressed, choosing clothes, using the toilet, and expressing preferences are all part of this need to become an independent being.   If a child isn't allowed to make small decisions or is put down by others when he tries, an unhealthy sense of guilt can develop.   Not good.   Of course, well-adjusted people need the ability to feel guilty when they are wrong so this is not to say that a sense of guilt is all bad.   A five-year-old kicks the cat when he thinks no one is looking and feels no remorse?   Not good either. 

Balance.   From my little one's perspective, choosing whether she gets an orange lion-shaped vitamin or a pink monkey-shaped vitamin is one of the most important events of her day.   As a harried parent, this can be annoying ("You get what you get and don't have a fit" right?).   But it serves me well to remember what stage she's in.  

In developing a sense of purpose, children begin to understand themselves as separate from their parents.   My cousin is famous for declaring during this stage, "I'm American, my dad is Italian and my mom is Southern".    

Preschoolers are big on making plans.   Mine planned big-time weeks before her fourth birthday.   Driving along I overheard this conversation between big sister and little sister:   

Little S:  Where is Jesus?
Big S:  In heaven.
Little S:  Does Jesus do magic?
Big S:  Ummm, kinda.
Little S:  Do you think he could make me a dolly or something?

Purpose!?!  Well, forethought and planning at least and that's a start.

Here's a short video of an adorable little girl and her doctor.  The conversation highlights the doctor's understanding of child development and how she uses this knowledge to relate to the little girl.   

Kids this age hear "no" a lot so they need encouragement when they get things right.   Its ok to motivate them with simple rewards as long as its done in an organized way they can understand (e.g. getting a sticker on a chart when they pick up their toys, two stickers if they do it without whining or arguing).    

Most importantly, they love to be loved and to know that nothing can ever, ever move that mountain of love.