There's No 7T

I stare in my coffee cup wondering if I made the right choice.   I sent my almost 7-year-old to school in a state of righteous indignation over a grave injustice done to her - I made her wear a jumper.    A khaki colored uniform dress with little pleats and a white shirt underneath.  Adorable.   Her mood quickly changed from mild whine to hysterics when she realized she would be stuck in that dress.   Her dad put her in the car and climbed in the driver's side with a long-suffering look as he braced for the dramatic ride to school.   

Something begins to change in kids around age 7.   There's a size 6T, but no 7T.   Somehow even clothing companies recognize that the T for toddler days are over by now.   They develop a greater sense of moral reasoning, more advanced social skills, and better problem solving skills.    

Erik Erikson, a well-known developmental psychologist, believed that children in this stage need to develop a sense of competence, which includes more than mom and dad's approval.   Instead of just outright accepting whatever their parents say, kids will consider the opinions of their peers.    In short, they need to feel able to face challenges in the big, bad world, even if that world is still small (e.g. school, church).   

Hence my daughter's jumper crisis.   According to her, no one teases her when she wears a jumper, but two of her little girlfriends don't wear them.   And that's pretty much the crux of the matter.   

When my child weeps and wails, my instinct is to fix it right away.  Take away the pain.  But I can't do that in every circumstance.   I don't want to turn a deaf ear to her worries (even fashion worries), but if I had given into her this morning, I would have taught her the power of an emotional tantrum and I don't want to do that.  

I want her to head out in the mornings with the right mix of confidence and humility.   A tall order, I admit.   Knowing that she will face much greater challenges than feeling self-conscious in a jumper, I want her to be okay with herself because of her worth in God's eyes.  She is a mini-woman in training and I am her primary example for learning to be what God made her to be.    And since I'm in the process of learning what this means in my own life, that is a tall order for me.





Reference: Papalia, D.E., Olds, S.W., & Feldman, R.D. (2004). A child’s world: infancy through adolescence. New York: McGraw-Hill.