Am I Pretty or Ugly?

"Ok guys, this is a serious matter....I wanna know if I'm pretty or not because all the girls in my class are like 'You're prettier than me.'"    The beautiful pre-teen girl with too much eye makeup spoke these words on a YouTube video.  Throughout her 2-minute entreaty, she makes a point to emphasize how much her peers flatter her.

I wish this was a unique video, but sadly its not.   There are hundreds like it with girls practically begging to be admired.   Instead of seeking validation that they are beautiful, a few girls take the position of being ugly and hope that someone out there will vouch they're not.   Either way, the motive is the same:  they are pleas to raise a sense of worthiness based on appearance.  

There is a difference between the concepts of self-image and self-worth.   Self-image is  vulnerable to whatever puffs up or knocks down our ego.   No one's self-image remains stable throughout life because it relies largely on external things.   Some days we're flying high because we accomplished something, other days we're in the gutter because of criticism.   

 Our sense of self-worth can be stable if its based on a healthy worldview.   Self-worth cannot build itself on the shaky foundation of self-image.  If we do, we end up seeking validation and a sense of worthiness from other people, where we can never truly find it.   This is what these young girls are attempting to do and it can lead to disaster. 

It is normal for girls in early adolescence to feel insecure and seek approval from their peers.   They are transitioning from children to women and social, physical, and emotional changes come with the territory.   But a glance at the video comments reveals that they've entered a dangerous realm where anonymous people either flatter them or try to wound them deeply.   There really is no limit to the cruelty unleashed on these girls.   If this isn't scary enough, there are certainly predators ready to take advantage of their vulnerability.  

Girls need to be taught that their worth comes from their loving Creator, who designed them to reflect the nurturing side of his character.   There are encouraging Scriptures to consider if you're raising a daughter:  Proverbs 30:31 says, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."  1 Peter 3:3-4 tells us about true beauty, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."

Outward beauty is a gift, but like any good thing, it can be twisted into something self-destructive.