We have a very happy little girl. Most of the time. It seems there are two conditions that turn our joyful child into a miserable one: hunger and tiredness. The combo of these is especially powerful. Many times I've picked up a smiling, laughing person from school only to witness an amazing transformation. Over the slightest disappointment, the smiling girl becomes weepy and inconsolable. Her range in this state is anything from whining to outright sobbing. This can happen any time but I've found that the minefields are before school, after school, dinnertime, and bedtime.
After a few years of parenting these intense moments, I've learned both wise and unwise ways of responding. She is pretty much beyond reasoning in that state so the reasoning strategy is out. And if she hasn't disobeyed in any way there isn't much of a discipline option. So what to do?
I avoid getting swept up into an emotional state myself (esp. if I'm tired and hungry too) and keep my voice low and calm. I tell her to take deep breaths and to try to speak without whining. These MOs are helpful but they don't solve the problem.
My child needs rest. Or food. But the best medicine is neither. What is most helpful is simple: a hug. Not just any hug but a hug that demonstrates humility and unconditional love.
Noutheteo and parakaleo are Greek words used in the Bible. Noutheteo means to admonish, warn, or exhort. It is generally used in the sense of trying to correct a person's wayward behavior. Paul used it often to describe how Christians should hold one another accountable. In 1 Cor 4:14 he says to the church, "I do not write these things to shame you, but as my beloved children I warn you." It is also essentially what parents do when they correct their children.
Parakaleo can also mean to admonish but the meaning is a little different. More than outright rebuke it means to call to one's side, to entreat and console someone who is struggling. It is an encouraging, comforting attitude toward another. 1 Thess 1:11-12 says, "For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging [parakaleo], comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory."
Being able to tower over your child when you mean business is a handy advantage, but in these times we've found that the wiser approach is to get down on your knees, be eye to eye, and offer an open-armed embrace. Our precious little girl always accepts the invitation by crashing into our arms. This simple, humble hug has a profound impact on her little heart because it demonstrates God's unconditional love and grace for her.
As imperfect people ourselves, it is good to remember that sometimes we, too, need this same embrace from God when we become a blubbering mess.
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